birds nesting….

I really like gardening and growing veggies. We have tomatoes and peppers and okra and cucumbers and squash and cantaloupe and a few potatoes. But then I started wanting flowers. In the backyard there’s a pine tree with wood stacked under it. I eyed it for a while, how the grass is and it’s really rustic and woodsy. And I began seeing flowers around it. So there’s an old sink from someone’s house and we put over there thinking one day some flowers could be in it. I think it took like a month of looking at it to say hey I want to do this. Got the flowers and dirt but still was like eh, what do I do? So I got up Saturday morning, and went and just sat there in front of it and said okay, I’m just waiting for the idea to come.

All those logs sitting there I decided could be used as the border. No need to worry about bricks or building a raised bed, just put it into the scenery and add to the nature and free flow of it in a way that is organized and yet natural looking. Trickier than I thought but oh my goodness the fun. When stacking logs in a circular way, there tend to be gaps. If I put dirt in it, I run the risk of the dirt coming out. So I decided to pack it. The holes on the outside of the log border are stuffed with red clay mud and hay.

This is when I began to feel like I was building a nest.

This is also when I figured out that this is what I can do that makes me feel instant peace. The veggie garden is great, don’t get me wrong. But the flowers? It’s purely for pleasure. They make me smile and happy. I don’t think I’ve done anything before to this extent to really make me happy. Not like this does. It’s really fantastic.



Recent events have caused me to seek deeper truths. Lately I am discouraged at how  many people think that we as Christians are separate from Christ and so I feel led to post my thoughts on this. First of all, if you invited Christ into your life to be your Savior and take up residence in your life – how then are you separate? We have got to stop looking at this physical realm as all there is! You believe in Jesus, you let him lead you and yet the hardest thing is realizing that you aren’t separate – only in the body guys! You are married to Jesus – you are one. You just have to see it as He sees it. He has seen it all from the very beginning. He is the Alpha and Omega. The beginning and the end.

And you’ve also got to get rid of religion too. Everyone is all about what rule is what and what happens if I do this and everything. Stop and just rest. Really I believe that it’s so simple that is why so many have such problems. I had so many problems of worrying constantly that I would lose my salvation – that I would end up  going to hell. It’s because satan still had mind control over me. This burdens me so deeply and I know there is more than one person struggling with this because I struggled for 10 years.

I also wondered what book I would sit and journal about with my thoughts and now I know. While I am reading Song of Solomon I am also going to go through Romans. This book was the hardest for me to get and I still get confused at times but God will show me as I seek out His truth – I have no doubt in that. And I also know that He will show you – you just have to believe that yourself. It didn’t happen for me until I said oh wow, he does want me to know the truth. If you struggle at all with your salvation then you haven’t really been set free and I’m sorry if that hits you the wrong way – but finding Jesus is finding a peace that just bubbles up and overflows out through your life. IT is wanting to share with so many what has changed your every fiber. There is NO Condemnation in Christ and if you feel condemned, ashamed, guilty then guess what?! IT’S PROBABLY NOT  GOD!

Romans 8:11There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

What does NO mean? 

Yes, pride will keep you from  realizing this truth. If you want deeper, you will have to be willing to say “Lord show me if my ideals and thoughts are wrong,”… and He will. The only way is to be submissive. Be willing!

And for those of you who say well, how can you say that you aren’t separate from God – Galatians 2: 20 I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me. 21 I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain. 

He is living in me and through me. It is the Jesus in Tina form. That is mind boggling to me. This is why when I talk to each of you or respond in your journals, I try and let the Holy Spirit bring to mind what you need to hear.  

1 Corinthians 2: 16 For who hath known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct him? but we have the mind of Christ.        

We can do nothing for each other without acknowledging that it isn’t us – but Christ who lives in us. 

1 Corinthians 1:24 But unto them which are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God, and the wisdom of God. 25 Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men; and the weakness of God is stronger than men. 26 For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called:  27 But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;       

This might seem like it is something that is out there but reread verse 27.  It’s so simple.  Maybe to the world believing that I am not separate from Christ is foolish. But the Word says He lives in me, lives His life through me.  Maybe the world says and religion says it’s foolish to look at things from the eternal realm – but what does the Word say about it?  This is how I can rest. If I screw up, I admit it – quit it and go on. That can be a really hard thing to do though, I know. We all know how hard it is to say oh, I was wrong. But good news? God already forgave me. I just had to confess my sins and he washed it all away.  

This post got a little longer than I thought but maybe it will touch someone enough to move and seek the deeper things of God. What will it hurt to get closer to the one you say you love? Wouldn’t you rather not be so confused all the time? Rest.     

Hebrews 4:1 Let us therefore fear, lest, a promise being left us of entering into his rest, any of you should seem to come short of it.  2 For unto us was the gospel preached, as well as unto them: but the word preached did not profit them, not being mixed with faith in them that heard it. 3 For we which have believed do enter into rest, as he said, As I have sworn in my wrath, if they shall enter into my rest: although the works were finished from the foundation of the world.  4 For he spake in a certain place of the seventh day on this wise, And God did rest the seventh day from all his works.      

Don’t be afraid of it. 


The Morning

For the morning, I raise my head. My eyes reluctant to begin.

My hands, with a mind of their own, find their way to you.

Warm and still, your breathing deep and methodical.

For a moment, everything is perfect.

The world is right.


Don’t give the drama to your momma…

Geez, everything is so dramatic nowadays everywhere you go! It’s like super cell of drama thunderstorms with chances of severe weather constantly. I can’t keep track of it all. And, it seems to be with everyone. People are freaking out over the smallest things and tensions are high everywhere. Maybe there are some that are able to just breeze through without any stress, but most have it whether they want to admit it at all.

I know life has drama. If I cut off everyone that brought drama, I’d not have anyone left in my life. True, there is something to be said about cutting off toxic people though. I think it’s important to figure out if someone is a good thing for you or if it’s just making it all worse.

It’s amazing how so many things in life people didn’t pay attention to that they pay attention to now. And everyone is angry. My opinion is that everyone is grieving the loss of the way life used to be. Will it ever be the same? What is this “new” era that we are in? I think the pandemic has really brought out good in some and not-so-good in others.

I think we all should remember that, for a lot of us, we’ve never lived through a pandemic. We’ve never experienced this type of isolation and not being able to participate in life without it being a danger to us. I guess fear is a reactor for a lot of people. And no one knows how they’ll be until it happens.

Drama isn’t something save for your momma. It happens.


Have a great day.


I had a dream in 2012…

This morning I’m having coffee and thinking about all the changes lately within the US. Out of the two candidates that ran for president in this last election, I think Trump to be the lesser of two evils. Things didn’t seem like they were going too horribly though I have thought at times that this is someone who doesn’t like people but is only here to succeed at business. Harsh maybe, but I’m entitled to my opinion. However, lately, I am thinking this man might end up getting everyone killed.

Back in 2012 I had a dream. In the dream, I was going to go ride motorcycles with my family but didn’t get to. I remember my dad wasn’t here and my brother was inaccessible, which is true because of Dad passing a couple of years ago, then my brother is in prison. In the dream I was searching for them but I couldn’t breathe, the air was unsafe. There was fire all around. The dream reminded me of death and war. I couldn’t find anyone and then woke up. I’ve been asking God what that meant for years.

This year, when the virus hit, I had just had surgery and was recovering and had been off work since like the beginning of the year basically since I had missed so much. So everyone went into a very “mild” lock-down; staying home as much as possible, social distancing, etc.

I started remembering that dream. I thought it was about the virus since the breathing thing and masks, etc. So we go on further in time and BLM movement starts and George Floyd, was killed by police. He dies saying, “I can’t breathe”.

My dream popped into my head again as I watch the country erupt into war against each other. Now everyone is fighting for everything that ever mattered to anyone but they are doing it in ways like starting fires, and death, and destruction. And there wasn’t anyone to be found.

Now the government has decided to reroute all info on virus to Washington first. Remember Trump said, test less, we’ll have less cases. I think that’s an idiot statement personally. I think our numbers now will be hidden because the article from the Washington post said Washington gets the numbers even before the CDC and homeland security and its no longer public information.

Then I read that our hospitals here are rerouting patients to different counties cause we are full. Nurse friends are telling everyone how bad it is and I do hopeful people listen to those that are on the front lines and in the hospitals taking care of people while this is going on. We are short 14 officers on our police because of cutting their budget and they keep resigning.

And really? I think we are in trouble. This last bit of information really confirmed to me that this IS a warning dream. It also shows me that God does hear me and that he does show me things.

I hope all of you are safe out there and continue to be safe by whatever means you need to and keep others safe, too. Be smart. And remember, this is the first time a lot of us have been through a pandemic, so extend a little grace to others.

Comments welcome.

poetry · writing

Heartbeat of God

Feeling your heartbeat next to mine
Knowing we have shared a moment in time
That was timeless, without limit, unconstrained
Knowing that our heart has communed with His
That three have indeed become one…
It shuts me down – yet it awakens me still,
To ideas that I've never grasped, yet have embraced…
It's so connecting that it disconnects me
And then I understand His love a little more.
And how much more I long to understand
How much more will I push on searching,
Because I know with each search I will find
And as I go – sweet communion is experienced deeper still,
Beyond anything I could think or imagine…
All because of
                       a heartbeat felt,
                                         A heartbeat heard,
                                                                And a heartbeat seen…
They are three.
Yet they beat as One.
Just as the Father, Holy Spirit and Son.

The Parable of the Wheat and the Tares

MATTHEW 23:24 Another parable He put forth to them, saying: “The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field; 25 but while men slept, his enemy came and sowed tares among the wheat and went his way. 26 But when the grain had sprouted and produced a crop, then the tares also appeared. 27 So the servants of the owner came and said to him, ‘Sir, did you not sow good seed in your field? How then does it have tares?’ 28 He said to them, ‘An enemy has done this.’ The servants said to him, ‘Do you want us then to go and gather them up?’ 29 But he said, ‘No, lest while you gather up the tares you also uproot the wheat with them. 30 Let both grow together until the harvest and at the time of harvest I will say to the reapers, “First gather together the tares and bind them in bundles to burn them, but gather the wheat into my barn.” ’

So this world that we are planted in is the wheat and tares. We are meant to live together in the fields. Do the tares mess up the wheat’s growth? Can they choke out the wheat?

Can there be “tares” planted in our “wheat” field if we are talking about our wheat field being our minds? Would it be the same thing or something different? I am guessing that it could be thought of this way really. Because if your thoughts are pure and then other thoughts are planted there by ways of the world, then it can choke out the ability to grow, I would tend to think.

When I look into further what a “tare” is, I learned that it commonly grows in fields with grains. I guess it looks similar to the wheat but in this case scholars say it refers to something called a “darnel” which is a poisonous week that looks a lot like wheat. So naturally when it is growing next to the wheat you can’t really tell if it is or not until it’s time to harvest the wheat, then it becomes apparent which is which.

So really, if we are all planted in a field (which is the world) and we are planted with the tares then naturally, we can’t tell what is what until harvest time. I reckon it really boils down to letting God decide who is his and who isn’t. Really we aren’t fully equipped to read the hearts and minds of others. This is where it is important to just be a good shepherd and be vigilant and teach truth with gentleness.

It won’t do any good to be impatient go out into the field and try to weed out all the bad stuff cause it can tear up the good stuff along with it. If those workers that went back to the owner of the field decided to do it on their own and pull out the tares because they didn’t want them there, what kind of damage and mess would have been done to the crops?

I suppose that it would mess up the other crops for bearing fruit and coming to full maturity.

After thinking about this a while, I suppose the conclusion I make is that I don’t want to be a “tare” and impersonate the real thing. Do you? Which are you?

Just something to think about.