I really can’t wait for spring to hurry up and spring. I’m ready to for warmth and shorts and sundresses and time in the woods and at the lake. I want sandals and flip-flops and barefoot in the dirt and grass. I want to walk outside and smell the sunshine and feel it’s warmth. I want longer hours of daylight. I want fireflies. I want camping with marshmallows and time to view the stars without freezing. I want lazy afternoons on a blanket under a shade tree with cool lemonade, headphones and music. I want to get caught in the rain and it be an amazing time. I want to go fishing. Swimming. And most of all – to be outside.
I’m ready to travel again for a bit. Give me a month and it will happen and I’ll send posts from my adventures.
Winter just reminds me of the same old thing over and over again. And it’s cold. And everything dies in order to restart in the spring. It’s like the earth is sleeping or hibernating until the warmth comes around and wakes it up again. And despite all of it’s glorious beauty, it’s not my favorite season.
It’s funny how much we can change in a year. It’s funny how we can be close to people at the beginning and so far away as though acquaintances near the end. I still haven’t decided what I have learned the most. I had a great run in learning some great glitch art. Had a few nameless people who decided to befriend me and then turn on me and make most everyone else turn against me as well. But the one person that I didn’t think would ever do that, did also, without explanation or even acknowledgment too. I guess I should have seen that coming.
It’s funny how people say that when others do this, you should just forget them and move on, do what you like. I think maybe what I’ve learned the most from 2015 is I’m a caring person and I don’t take friendships or anything else lightly. I’m an intense person and I like that about me. I don’t see it necessarily as intense in a bad way – but as loyalty. I’d never ever do to anyone what these people have done to me and especially if I was really close to someone for a long time. At least not without an explanation of sorts. So, just move on, isn’t something that I can do on that note, on the others, sure. Because what made me like doing what I was doing, was that person was a part of it, got me into it, and supported me through it. And now, a rare short conversation. I happily stopped caring about the others who hurt me, but I just can’t seem to shake this.
Heartache comes in many forms I guess. And I guess it’s never safe to think someone is loyal and wants the same from you as you do from them. I just don’t understand how you can be a certain way for years and then instantly turn it off as though it was nothing.
Maybe that’s why this winter has been so hard for me. And maybe why I am so ready for spring time.