I want to scream but all my screams turn to sobs. My eyelids swell with the tears that refuse to be shed and yet fill to the point of being near blind.
It’s almost as if my heart thinks this way it can hold onto you longer even though I know you are already gone.
My bones, my muscles, my entire body feels each sob gripping a hold of me and holding on tight like a talon; as though there is a dull butter knife ripping through my flesh.
Everything’s coming out.
And I can’t stop it.
I reach out but only seem to grab hold of a silent imagination of what used to be.
I close my eyes and see you.
You are smiling.
Your eyes are soft.
You are almost inquisitive without saying a word.
You quietly sip your coffee and then run your fingertips through your hair.
Clearing your throat, you shift your body into a more comfortable position.
And yet you stay quiet.
Never a word.
A beautiful young girl was laid to rest today. Her child of 7 years and her husband sat in the front with family and friends surrounding them. Her mother and father cried softly.
She touched many lives including the lives of my boys and I never knew her.
The funeral was so short but yet so intense. To see a mass of people whose life she touched, that were all so sad that they had lost her was comforting. So many tears for this young girl that I never met. I’ve seen her laughter, her pictures, and that she loved everyone and everything.
And yet tragedy came when no one expected it.
I think that when the minister said “they got it wrong when they say live each day as though it were your last and instead live like you are living” that really hit something deep within me.
Life is meant to be lived. Not as though as it’s your last day – but truly as living. You can’t wait around 40 years and not live. Living each day as though it’s your last puts us in a cycle of dying.
She was 25 and she lived every minute and every second of her life.
During the last song, as the melody rang through that little cemetery, a child blew bubbles that floated through the air across the empty casket holder – and then the sky filled with their effervescent hues. A beautiful send off for a beautiful young girl.
One that I never knew.
Yet one that inspires me to live like I’m living.